I am really not happy with myself right now.  I keep blogging about getting back on the horse, and I keep falling off.  This is nobody’s fault but my own, and I really wish I could say that now is the time and a whole bunch of other inspirational junk.  Not today.  This also isn’t going to be a soliloquy of self hatred and anger.  Right now it is nothing more than my effort to get back into blogging.  

My trainer and I were having a great discussion today about how the last two months have been pretty lackluster for me.  No real loss of weight, questionable eating habits, and spotty gym attendance outside of sessions.  One thing that I did do is give up alcohol, and that has been going really well.  Since I started three weeks ago or so I have only indulged once or twice, and that’s a huge improvement.  I was drinking one or two drinks five nights a week before that for a few weeks so score one for me.  

I went on my second ever date last week.  Then we went out two more times before deciding to just be friends.  Score another one for me as dating is something that I have never done and am just starting.  I finally broke down and started online dating so we will see where that leads.  It was very reassuring how important proper diet and exercise were to me when looking for a date.  I found out that I just don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t treat themselves the way I would like to treat myself.  They can struggle with it like I do, I am not looking for perfect here, but we need to support each others efforts at health and fitness not just accept them.  

The big problem now is inspiration.  Here I am trying to date, and date women that have a healthy and fit mindset, and I am not living up to my own expectations.  I know that it will never be easy, but I am just plain out of inspiration.  If anyone can help me out here with some tips it would be greatly appreciated.  Life is good right now, and I think I used to feed off of my misery to drive me.  Now I am in a job I really enjoy, I hang out with friends now that I have the time, and I just started dating.  Misery is not a problem anymore.  I still want to lose more weight so that I can be truly healthy, do activities that are more active and be able to keep up/hold my own, and be attractive to the types of women that I find attractive (with that type being a healthy, active, and fit).

That goal just seems so far away though, almost unattainable.  For someone that has never been less than morbidly obese, and who has trouble with favoring long term outcomes over short term pleasure it is nothing more than a dream.  Now I know that many people have done it, it is possible, but part of me is comfortable just staying below the high blood pressure/diabetes/heart disease danger zone and holding on to hope.  

By that I mean that as long as I stay somewhat healthy and control my failure I can still say:  “If I had really tried I could have done it, and one day I will.”  There is still hope that one day morbid obesity will be nothing more than a memory.  If I give it everything I have and still fail then there is no hope anymore.  Though controlled failure is still that, failure.

I don’t know how I am going to do it, make the lifestyle change and stick to my guns.  To make my friends deal with my dietary needs even if they are inconvenient (I am sure they would, I have great friends), to get out of bed early to go to the gym even if nobody’s there waiting for me, to believe that in the end I will be better for it, and that the long term goal is attainable and worth the sacrifices along the way.  I need inspiration to believe in that enough to put it in to practice.

Hopefully something lights a fire inside of me soon otherwise I fear that this journey will have been for nothing.  I need to make this work, I need to make it count, I need for this to be the time that Chris Succeeds.     

Hello everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that I am back.  :)  I know that I took a long time off, but sometimes you need to fall off the horse to get back on.  I wouldn’t say that I completely fell off, but things are now completely back on track.  In my absence I really didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose any either.  I have however made a big change in my life.  Besides working out, I have gone shopping with my trainer, and have been eating only the healthiest of foods.  Not that I haven’t cheated a little bit here and there, but I am really on track to kick some butt this summer.

I have a goal of 30-40 lbs this summer, and I am well on my way to reaching it.  The only thing that I really miss is bread.  Not that pitas and wraps aren’t great, but I miss my bread.  I cheated and weighed myself a day early, and I have lost seven lbs this week!  I am very happy with that, and wil continue on that path.

Other than that, life is pretty good.  I am happy to say that I am surrounded by a little to much temptation because of a lot of good times surrounded by friends.  Also, thank you to those that sent messages of support and concern.  I was really touched by those, and am lucky to have all of you.  It’s because of all of this, and you that Chris Succeeds.       

Hello everyone!  With everything that has been going on you would think that I would be posting more, but I left my laptop at school over the weekend. :(  As far as last week goes, let’s just forget about last week.  Life has been crazy busy and stressful with a thesis, two major projects, a major research paper, two jobs, class, observation hours and an internship life has been going really well, but very busy. 

Not that that should be an excuse because many people have it worse, but last week was a gain of a pound.  Not upset because it is probably going to happen again this week, but also because I know I will get back on track in a week or so when my last project is due and my one job is over and my observation is done.  I have other good news to come that will keep me on track for quite a while, so no worries.

So despite the gain of a pound Friday was a great day.  I had a doctor’s appointment that gave me some really good news.  Since my last doctor’s appointment I have lost 42 pounds, no longer am at risk for fatty liver disease (and I was going to have it), and I am no longer going to need to start blood pressure, cholesterol, or diabetes drugs.  Super excited about that.  All in four months time.  Never looking back.

Last but not least we have crazylegs.  I had a great time doing my first race.  Going to have to do another race sometime soon after I get into better shape for running.  Probably in fall as I think that my trainer is going to be running me pretty hard this summer.  Otherwise life is really good.  More later, but now it’s time to work on homework…have a great night! :)      

So I went to my trainer this morning, got my but kicked and shaved a minute off of my previous best mile time.  Did a mile in 14:00.  Great way to start the day! :)

So here I am working on a research paper that’s due in about two weeks and I think to myself…did I blog for WIF?  Since I didn’t I figured a great way to get out of doing homework for fifteen minutes would be:  WIF…Saturday Edition. 

To digress from weight loss for a paragraph or so let me update everyone on my life.  The perfect way to discrbe what is going on currently is that to much is going right at once!  A wonderful problem to have, I know, but it is also a little stressful.  Basically, I am finally getting my thesis going, I am finally getting to finish my observation hours, I am soooo excited to start my second job and my summer job going, I am doing better at the gym (except for sleeping through training on Weds, was a little sick)/training for crazylegs, and trying to finish all of the wonderful projects/papers that I have been procrastinating on, plus finishing out my contract at my graduate assistantship.  

Everything is falling into place to make all of these wonderful things happen, it’s just having enough time in the day to do them all, and when that is accomplished just dealing with being that busy.  I looooove being busy, but this is getting a little crazy.  No worries though, in a few weeks it will all settle down and I will look back at what I accomplished and be amazed. 

One more sidetrack before I give you the wonderful weigh-in news.  Not to get too serious but you never get to old to hear from someone that everything is going to be alright.  With many big changes coming so soon in my life I miss having my mom or dad here to let me know that everything will be alright.  It is something that if you have it you should treasure it, as I treasure them.  We never stop being children in some ways, and simple comforts never get old. 

Now for much lighter fare, the weigh-in.  This week I lost three pounds.  I still feel a plateau coming so this week being easter I really have to watch what I eat because I don’t see the weight loss being so easy from this point on.  Here’s hoping for 2 pounds next week to prove that plateau wrong, then on to crazylegs!  Thanks for reading everyone, and have a wonderful easter! :)

How often do you post progress photos of yourself? My brothers & I and some cousins all started a weight loss support group for our family. Your story is very encouraging! Food WILL NOT win!

I have never done progress photos, but it’s not a half bad idea.  I am very glad to hear that you are there for your family, having that support system means everything when you are making these huge lifestyle changes.  If I start posting photos I will let you know.  Good luck with the journey you and your family is making, and you are right, food WILL NOT win!

Hello!  Sorry that I missed WIF again this week.  Life has been just crazy, I didn’t even eat all weekend till last night because I just didn’t find the time.  Thankfully, I didn’t miss WIF this week because of poor performance.  Last week I was a little cranky on WIF when I gained half a pound so I skipped it, now this week’s WIF I lost (drumroll please) five pounds! 

I was very happy to have bounced back so well this week.  Now my first race is less than two weeks away, and I need to get my butt in gear and train.  I have been a little too lax in my cardio regimen, and that stops now.  I also need to start running outside, but the weather just will not cooperate.  

Thanks for reading, and for your support thus far because this time, Chris Succeeds! :) 

So yesterday was pretty exciting…I fit into 1 size smaller jeans!  Not well enough to replace the jeans I have, belts are just fine, but one more size and I will be down to a 38 for the first time in a decade.  This time Chris is succeeding! :)

Hello all!  Today is a slightly non-fitness related blog, but it all comes back to fitness in the end so if you dare stay with me.  

I have always prided myself on being a very indepent person.  Too independent sometimes.  I have always taken care of myself for various reasons that are not important at this point, but lets say that it has been a way to survive.

Part of this has to do with my weight and how it has affected me, always making me feel as though I should be alone.  This isn’t true and I know that, and I am working on reaching out to people and trying to be more open and vulnerable.  Opening myself to a relationship is not at the top of the list yet, baby steps.  

It’s with this independence that I can make costly mistakes.  I don’t like to believe that I need something outside of myself to be at my best.  I know it’s silly, but not all feelings are rational.  Something as simple as taking pills everyday becomes a problem because it makes you admit that you need help, that some things are completely out of your control, that you need something you can’t give yourself.  

Then you go off of your pills and try to reassert your independance only to realize that for your independence your entire life is suffering, especially your fitness goals.  This rocky road we travel on our weight-loss journey is so much more than just losing the weight.  Cliche, I know, but today is my day for it to be profound.  This journey is like a quest that changes so much of who we are, and for the better.  

But I will not get there alone, which is why I love all of you.  You are a part of my support system that I treasure.  Sometimes we have to realize that we need to let go of control to succeed.  We need to surrender our independence and take our pills and let others help and learn to say no to those that are less than supporting as we help them to support us.  

On this quest, Chris Succeeds